Day 359: Become a true Chicagoan
August 27, 2011 § Leave a comment
It’s taken long enough, but two days away from my permanent departure from this great city, I finally feel like a real local. It isn’t so much about the length of time I’ve been here or knowing the city’s layout, but more about knowing and following a few key precepts. I’ve outlined them below, to make the experience easier on new Chicagoans. Without further ado, in a (depressing homage) to the comic stylings of self-proclaimed redneck Jeff Foxworthy, I present:
You know you’re a Chicagoan when you…
- Pronounce Chicago with a long AH sound between the ‘Chic’ and the “go”, as if you were feeding a baby.
- Only eat hot dogs sans-ketchup. As a substitute, try pickles, pickles, and more pickles.
- Know that the nickname “Windy City” comes from Chicago’s “hot air-filled” politicians, not from the frigid gusts the city gets off of Lake Michigan in the winter.
- Avoid Lakeshore Drive, despite the gorgeous view, because of traffic.
- Continue to call the towering black building at the center of the city the Sears Tower instead of Willis Tower, just out of spite.
- Have trampled the grass at Grant Park for at least one event.
- Hate the CTA, but for some reason love Forrest Claypool.
- No longer take visitors to Navy Pier because it’s just a peninsula of sweaty despair.