Day 278: Show off the goods

June 8, 2011 § 1 Comment

I’ve never been a fan of men who run shirtless.

It’s simply a way of making people check them out under the guise of an exercise routine. They abandoned their treadmills and emerged out in the open two months ago, when the temperature finally hit 50 degrees, the short glimpses of sunlight peaking through the clouds acting as some sort of bat signal.

But today it was 97 degrees and humid enough to steam rice, so I figured, why not take a run in their shoes? I ripped off my shirt, laced up the Nike Frees and hit the pavement.I was hoping to do a loop around town without running into anyone I know, as few things are more embarrassing than showing off a sweaty glaze on a pasty, moderately hairy torso. However, three steps out the door and I was already face-to-face with a classmate. Lovely. I played it off like tanning my pecs was just a part of my regular running routine until three more friends materialized from around the corner, at which point I just ran for it.

I gained a lot of insight on that jog.

First, shirtless runners have some sort of secret society, as every topless tool I passed made eye contact and gave me a nod, acknowledging our common half-clothed condition.

Second, I don’t know if this is how you’re supposed to do it, but I found myself flexing every time I passed someone. I’m actually a little bit sore.

And third, without a shirt there isn’t anywhere for sweat to go except out. By the time I was looping back home, my body was a sprinkler, spraying passers by with every bouncing step.

Overall, I think that next time I’m going to compromise and go for the tank top.

 

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