Day 264: Give an ink blot test

May 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

Tonight I tested Stephanie’s mental stability.

I gave her the Rorschach Test – the ink blot test created by Hermann Rorschach in 1921 in which psychologists gain insight into the patient’s psyche by interpreting the underlying motivations behind the shapes they see inside of the blots.

Disclaimer: I am not an accredited psychologist. The extent of my training for this test came from thoroughly reading the following Wikipedia article: Rorschach Test. So keep this in mind when evaluating my analysis.

  • Insight: As the first ink blot, this one often provides insight as to how the subject handles a stressful task.
  • Stephanie said: Cow
  • Analysis: Subject finds comfort in cheese, ice cream, and/or cow tipping. Once finals roll around, I may whisper sweet mooing sounds into her ear as she is falling asleep to relieve stress.
  • Insight: Provides insight into how the patient handles anger.
  • Stephanie said: Patty cake
  • Analysis: Subject reverts to a child-like state when angry. Is likely to drool or wet the bed.

  • Insight: Provides insight into how the subject relates with other people.
  • Stephanie said: Monkeys
  • Analysis: Subject carries a suppressed desire to each small insects out of my back hair and throw her own feces.

  • Insight: Provides insight into how the subject reacts to authority.
  • Stephanie said: Uterus.
  • Analysis: Subject is excited to meet her new boss and start designing feminine hygiene pads.
  • Insight: Provides insight into the concerns of the subject.
  • Stephanie said: Butterfly
  • Analysis: This one doesn’t require any analysis. It is literally a picture of a butterfly.

  • Insight: Provides insight into the subject’s thoughts on interpersonal closeness. Is also known as the ‘sex blot’ because it is described in sexual terms more than any of the other ink blots.
  • Stephanie said: Texas
  • Analysis:  The subject digs a Southern drawl and is turned on by the Pan Handle.

  • Insight: Provides insight into how the subject perceives the female figures in her life.
  • Stephanie said: Children
  • Analysis: Subject calls into question the maturity level of her female role models. Shireen and Mocha, I’m looking at you.

  • Insight: Subject may find the introduction of color uncomfortable, symbolizing the presence of complex situations or distressing emotional stimuli.
  • Stephanie said: Earth
  • Analysis: Subject shows a deep and abiding compassion for all the world’s problems, and an intense desire to turn this distress into action through volunteer work and monetary donations.
             Just kidding. What she really said was “dancing squirrels.”

  • Insight: Provides insight into how the subject handles disorganization and general chaos.
  • Stephanie said: People kissing
  • Analysis: Not sure what exactly this means, but let me tell you, I always knew that obsessively cleaning the apartment was working against me.

  • Insight: Indicates how the subject perceives her situation, or what she desires to know.
  • Stephanie said: Dragon
  • Analysis: Subject holds a subconscious desire to breathe fire, eat people and lay diamond-encrusted eggs. May be unpleasant to work with in a group setting.

Based on the findings of his test, I think it’s safe to conclude that the subject meets the diagnostic criteria for Paranoid Type Schizophrenia. The themes the subject presented throughout the test consisted of people being dominated by others, and the subject’s responses showed no personal interactions through any of the cards, and showed a complete absence of affiliation.

Oh wait, that’s from a 1998 court-ordered psychological evaluation of the Unibomber. Steph just appears to really like animals.

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