Day 244: Clean the pipes

May 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

I mean this in the most literal sense.

If you are a regular reader, you may have noticed this blog has a recurring theme: me taking on tasks for the first time that most men do on a regular basis. This is evidenced in such past posts as “Day 206: Man up” and “Day 28: Learn to use a Dremel.”

Today’s manly endeavor consisted of using Liquid-Plumr on our shower.

I could write a thesis on the deficiencies of our apartment: the drafty windows, the brown stains on the walls, the long black hairs that protrude from our mattress. Perhaps the most dismal aspect of all is the shower. A vibrant baby-poop green, it could have easily served as a set piece for a prison rape scene in The Shawshank Redemption or Oz. Black mold festers on the ceiling, the lack of an overhead light makes it nearly impossible to see, and the nozzle only reaches as high as my shoulders so I have to crane my body like a contortionist to wash out the shampoo.

Well we finally hit rock bottom today when the drain got clogged, submerging my feet in bubbles, germs and leftover salt from the dried tears of past grad student occupants for whom I’ve come to believe emotional breakdowns are a regular occurrence. I’m sure the primary culprit was Stephanie’s hair, her shedding being one of the few drawbacks of living with a female.

I went to the store, bought me some Liquid-Plumr and annihilated that puddle of broken dreams in 15 minutes.

Playboy yesterday, Liquid-Plumr today. My testosterone is running wild. Excuse me while I go watch some Nascar, grow out a mustache and urinate in public.

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