Day 234: Pull a monkey out of a bunny

April 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

Yesterday a package came in the mail.

It felt light and mostly empty. It was from Stephanie’s 11-year-old brother, Kevin. I was sure it was Rodney.

For those of you who didn’t read “Day 121: Sleep 15 hours and find the monkey,” Rodney is a stuffed primate that is an object of contention between Kevin and myself. For my birthday a few years ago, Kevin took me to the mall for a Jamba Juice. We went into the mall’s arcade to play a few games, where I put 50 cents into a crane game and let Kevin play. He won Rodney. I insisted that it was his because he won it, but he protested that it was mine because I was the benefactor.

Since then we have been at war, each trying to force the bundle of fuzz upon the other. Kevin was currently in possession, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before Rodney was heading my way. Which is why I thought he had been expedited in the box I had before me.

But then I opened the box and instantly felt bad. Kevin had sent Stephanie and me two colorful Easter baskets, complete with candy and cuddly stuffed bunnies. He had bought them with his own money from the Dollar Tree. Here I thought he was shipping me the monkey, when he was just being sweet.

Or was he?

Today, on Skype, Kevin asked how Rodney was doing. Confused, I digged through the Easter baskets to see if he had been stuffed in the bottom.

Nothing.

I looked through the box to see if I had missed him in the tissue paper.

Nothing.

I picked up both bunnies. For some reason one was a heavier than the other. It was then that I noticed the colored thread sticking out of the blue bunny’s back. I grabbed the scissors…

…and surgically opened the bunny’s back, where I spotted brown fur.

Rodney was literally wearing the skin of the Easter bunny. Like something out of Silence of the Lambs. It was morbidly clever.

By himself he had cut open the animal, removed it’s stuffing, shoved Rodney inside of it, and sewed the bunny back up. I was in awe.

It will be months before I can think up an adequate comeback. I’m a broken man. I most definitely lost this round.

Happy Easter.

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