Day 211: Get a Brazilian wax

April 2, 2011 § Leave a comment

For obvious reasons I’m not going to provide a picture for this one.

It’s been in the works for a long time, but was only recently made possible by a deal at Asha SalonSpa in Evanston, which is currently offering a 50 percent off rate since it just recently opened.

Walking into the salon with confidence and and telling them what I wanted done took a substantial amount of confidence and lack of shame. I rocked a robe. I was given disposable underwear. They were uncomfortable. The spa technician was named Jenny. She wore gloves and had angry eyes. The room in which the deed took place had stones, votive candles and what looked to be a fake fern. There was a painting on the wall, but I couldn’t tell what was in it because my eyesight was blurred by tears.

I bit my lip. Hard. I was violated in ways I don’t easily come in words, and experienced pain similar, I think, to what the people of Pompeii felt when they were engulfed in molten lava.

 

I know your next question is if I’m happy with the final product. The answer is no. I waddled out of the salon and pretty much spent the rest of the day lamenting my loss. It will be years before I recover. At least five years.

But hey, you have to respect my desire to please my readers, right? Although I admit that I completely reversed my efforts from “Day 206: Man up.”

I have no choice but to live with my decision. I will live by the words of the seer Cosmo Kramer: “I’m out there Jerry and I’m loving every minute of it!”

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