Day 177: Be an innocent bystander

February 27, 2011 § Leave a comment

My girlfriend, Stephanie, is smart, funny and just generally good at things. One of those things is not taking care of plants.

Take the mums in the above picture for example. They are only two weeks old – I gave the to her for Valentine’s Day – and they are already on the brink of death. I understand that she has a lot on her mind, and she does such a wonderful job of balancing everything else in her life, but for some reason these poor living, breathing children of Mother Nature fall by the wayside.

I try to remember to water them for her, but it never seems to be enough. Take the little guy in the picture below for example.

We have had him for over a year now. He even accompanied us in the car on our road trip to Chicago. At one point he had beautiful yellow flowers, but they disappeared in  a matter of weeks. Since then he has stayed moderately green, in a stage of purgatory. Not being a plant, I don’t know if it is worse than death, but I do know that every time Steph forgets to water him (which is all the time), and I see his little pot of soil dry up, I do my best to fill it and keep hope alive that one day his tiny golden blossoms will return.

Consider this the ghost of Christmas future. It is the fake plant that sits next to our TV, and it represents what I assume will someday be a house full of artificial greenery because I want to spare the lives of any plants that might find their way into Steph’s death grip.

So, I beseech you, before inviting us over for a dinner party or game night, please hide your begonias and hide your azaleas if you care for them to see tomorrow’s sunrise, for my love has been known to commit floracide.

Or maybe next year I could just solve the problem by buying her chocolates.

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