Day 124: Admit I have a problem

January 5, 2011 § 1 Comment

As we ran out the door tonight I slipped the bottle into Stephanie’s purse. We were headed to a movie and I needed her to sneak it in for me. It was not filled with water, but instead with the liquid I so desperately needed to get me through the evening: coffee.

I started because all the cool kids were doing it. I’d see the seniors after school behind the bleachers, sipping their lattes and caramel macchiatos, and wanted to be just like them.

I started with the foofie stuff – chai tea lattes and  mocha frappuccinos. Not as a day to day thing, but maybe once every other week, when I knew I’d have some time away from home to ride the caffeine buzz. I didn’t really like it – coffee had always tasted like burned water to me – but no one really liked frosted tips or JNCO jeans either, it was just something you did.

However, it wasn’t long before I graduated to the harder stuff – nonfat lattes with no extra flavoring. I was using the effects to pump me up for musical theater practice and LAN parties, and the old stuff wasn’t cutting it. I’d pound one before going on stage, then crash and burn directly following the final curtain call.

I stuck with lattes through half of my undergraduate career before I discovered black coffee. That’s when everything went to hell. Two cups a day became four, then six. My grandpa only exacerbated the problem when he bought me one of those single-cup coffee makers a couple of Christmases ago.

Now I can get the goods on demand, as if a pusher is living right on my kitchen counter. Since graduate school has begun, coffee has been my lifeblood. The effects of the caffeine are so minimal now that I use coffee as something warm and comforting to sip before bed.

What’s next for me? Cappuccino injections? Espresso bean suppositories? It’s too late for me folks, I’m among the lost.

Next time you pull up to that freeway on ramp and see a guy holding a sign that says, “Will work for Folgers,” take a closer look. That may just be me.



§ One Response to Day 124: Admit I have a problem

  • Irene says:

    to quit caffeine: first step acceptance, second step rage, third step psychosis in the newsroom, fourth step complete medill meltdown.

    (p.s. i still have a pair of jnco khakis…)

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