Day 89: Come clean for the holidays

December 1, 2010 § 1 Comment

‘Tis the season for truth and honesty, as I’m learning from Christmas movie after Christmas movie.

In “Love Actually,” Andrew Lincoln, who can now be seen slaying zombie’s on AMC’s “Walking Dead,” holds a sign at Keira Knightley’s door professing his forbidden love because Christmas is a time to “tell the truth.”

In honor of this message, I have decided to come clean on a few things.

  • When I was in the first grade I was in the midst of a heated card game when the class started to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I looked down at the cards we had laid on the table before us and yelled “War!” After the Pledge ended, my infuriated teacher demanded to know who had spoken during the recitation. For some reason no one knew it was me, and I was too terrified to fess up to it, so she put the entire class in time out for 10 minutes and made us all move our clips. To this day I still feel shame.
  • When I studied abroad in Europe, I shared an apartment with two guys and a priest in a London high rise. The guys I shared the bathroom with (the priest had his own bathroom) liked to keep the bathroom disgusting by leaving dirty underwear on the floor, leaving dirty shaving supplies around the sink, etc. The day before we left I got fed up when I stepped on a pair of soiled heart-adorned boxers. I threw the boxers out the high rise window onto the roof of a neighboring building and used the other guy’s razor to shave my butt.
  • One time I was at the doctor’s office waiting for the doctor to come in. I was in one of the cotton robes they sometimes provide and was feeling some serious pressure in my bladder. I didn’t want to go to the trouble of putting my clothes back on and finding a restroom, so when I through the thin wall I heard the doctor enter the room next to mine, I decided to pee in the sink. Since that time I’ve theorized what might have unfolded if a nurse had walked in, and I’m pretty sure the moment would have been George Costanza-esque, with her screaming and me mumbling excuses and attempting to cover up.

Whew, thanks for letting me get some of those things off of my chest before the holidays.

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§ One Response to Day 89: Come clean for the holidays

  • Grandpa Dick says:

    Tyler, I must add something to this sole searching cleansing that your doing.
    As a pharmaceutical salesman many years ago, I had waited in the doctors office for quite awhile, as he only sees pharmaceutical reps between patients. On this particular afternoon , I had waited a long time and when the doctor finally came in,I was getting a nudge from mother nature to take a pee. I asked the doctor to excuse me for a minute so I could take care of things and his reply was, “Just pee in the sink , I use it all the time. So I did. No big deal.

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