Day 13: Read an entire tabloid

September 16, 2010 § Leave a comment

For years I’ve stared at their covers in line at the grocery store, but never actually picked one up off of the shelf. In fact, I had never seen anyone buy one. However, a responsible journalist should be thoroughly aware of current events in all forms. Therefore, I concluded that it was my duty to read the September 20, 2010 Globe. The following is a list of things I learned from this issue:

-The opera singing 10 year old from America’s Got Talent lip syncs. Proof of this was cited from numerous Twitter accounts that said things such as, “This was a phony performance…look carefully at her mouth.”

-Actor Jerry Lewis is quoted as saying that if he was to ever to see Lindsay Lohan in the street he would “smack [her] in the mouth,” in order to help “straighten her out.” I was surprised to find this was news worthy, as I’m sure this would be most people’s initial response to seeing Lindsay Lohan.

Grey’s Anatomy actress Ellen Pompeo has six toes on each foot. That’s it – an entire page is devoted to an article about her toes. I have no idea how they found that much to talk about.

-Julia Roberts has “hairy pits.” Is she sporting an new fad or was she simply caught in a photograph with her arms up? Food for thought.

-A Chinese company is using an underwear-clad Princess Diana lookalike to sell their lingerie, complete with tiara and diamond necklace. Their slogan is, “Feel the Romance of British Royalty, Diana Underwear.”

-Michelle Obama is responsible for the production of a Glenn Beck sex tape. Globe reports that on October 26, 2009, “Michelle and Barack set up a ‘dirty tricks’ team to find all the skeletons in reformed-boozer Beck’s past and ruin him.” I can only fantasize about how awesome it would be if that task force really existed.

Clearly a pillar of modern media, I  now understand why magazines like Globe have secured for so long the sacred spot between TV Guide and the latest Archie Digest.

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