Day 7: Try the baby food diet

September 9, 2010 § 4 Comments

I read in an online magazine that the new celebrity fad diet is to eat baby food instead of actual meals. Stars like Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon eat 14 jars of baby food a day in order to attain their ideal physique. I decided to take a walk in their high heels and give it a try.

I went to the store and looked over my options. I was afraid that one of the other customers on the aisle would ask me how old my child was. I don’t even know at what age babies begin to eat jarred food. I waited until the aisle was completely empty before grabbing some jars and putting them in the cart. I ended up with the following flavors:

-Prunes (2.5 oz)

-Peas (2.5 oz)

-Pears and Mangos (4 oz)

-Apples and Apricots (4 0z)

-Peach Oatmeal Banana (4 oz)

-Apple Yogurt Oatmeal (4 oz)

-Carrot Tomato (4 oz)

-Vegetable Turkey Dinner (4 oz)

-Summer Vegetable Dinner (4 oz)

-Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal (6 oz)

-Chunky Orchard Fruit (6 oz)

-Spaghetti with Cheese (6 oz)

The fruit jars were not half bad. They tasted like thin apple sauce. The oatmeal was pretty bland and had an awkward texture, but was still edible. Summer Vegetable Dinner, Vegetable Turkey Dinner, and Spaghetti with Cheese were all pretty foul. I heated them up in the microwave for thirty seconds to see if they would improve, but had no such luck. I choked them down anyway. The two vegetable jars were horrible. I had hoped that Carrot Tomato would taste like tomato soup, but it was more akin to V8 in gelatin form. Finally, there were the peas. As a child, peas were the bane of my existence. My parents have numerous pictures of me spitting up peas all over my bib, vehemently denying their attempted force feeding. One taste and I could immediately understand why infant Tyler had so strongly detested them. They were grainy and smelled like hot garbage. I will never feed my child a jar of peas.

I can honestly say that I finished each and every jar. I’m still trying to decide whether or not I should be proud of this fact. Stephanie is refusing to sit too close to me because she says I have baby food breath. Even after all that baby food I only ate about 750 calories today, which explains why stars are losing weight this way. However, I most certainly do not feel satisfied, and would not be surprised to find myself making a midnight run to the 24-hour Burger King down the street. 

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